Ten Ways To Modernize Your Wedding And Have A Nontraditional Ceremony
Are you looking to modernize your wedding and do away with outdated and overdone trends and traditions? Do you want a modern ceremony that is reflective of your vision, values, ethos and aesthetic? Then you’ll need to think outside the box, hold your ground, and not give in to all those same old, tired ass wedding traditions! We created a list of ten ways to modernize your wedding and have a nontraditional ceremony. We hope that it will help you break free from kitsch and cliche wedding ceremony and reception elements.
#1: To White or Not to White
Consider skipping the white dress! The white wedding dress is symbolic of purity, chastity and virginity. The tradition of white wedding dresses originated long before women had sexual sovereignty, lived with their significant others before marriage, or had kids together out of wedlock. Don’t wear white just because tradition dictates. Some traditions are no longer relevant (or resonant.) If you do decide to wear a white dress, do so because you really want to... Or flip the whole thing on its head and have the guests wear all white and have the couple wear something bright and colorful!
#2: Please, no giving away of humans
Brides, leave out the “Who gives this bride in marriage,” transfer of property, officiant-to-father question. Along those same lines, there’s no need to have your dad walk you down the aisle and “give you away” to another man. It can have that same cringe worthy transfer of property vibe. Choose another way to walk down the aisle. Walk in with both parents, as a couple, or make a grand entrance and walk in alone!
#3: Re-think the wedding party
Change up the typical wedding party configuration. Have a non-gender-divided wedding party, as in, any people of any gender on any side. And no need for your wedding party to wear matching outfits. Save them the hassle and the expense and let them wear whatever they want. Wanna be really non-tradish? Then skip the wedding party all together! This will guarantee that no one feels bad or excluded or left out.
#4: A true ceremonial experience
Since so many ceremonies are boring AF, what could be more non traditional then having an amazing wedding ceremony?! It helps when you avoid language that is lackluster, cliche and old fashioned. No dearly beloved… sanctify this union… celebration of your oneness... Also skip the hands-of-marriage, unity candle, First Corinthians, sand box thingy. These rituals are so out dated, overdone and boring, and hold no real meaning for most couples. Don’t just throw a bunch of random rituals and readings into your ceremony. Instead make your ceremony something to remember! Check out our non-boring, non traditional, modern and unique ceremony scripts on Etsy. They are ideal for friend officiated and family member led wedding ceremonies.
#5: Honor and Obey? No thanks.
Write your own wedding vows. There’s no one-size-fits-all marriage, so there’s no need to exchange one-size-fits-all wedding vows! For help writing your best wedding vows check out our beloved vow writing tutorial “Not Your Mama’s Wedding Vows: A Step By Step Framework For Writing Your Perfect Vows.”
#6: Think about what is most important
Don't spend what could be the down payment on a house on your wedding! Prioritize what’s truly important to you and skip the rest. If that means eloping, self-solemnizing, or having a backyard micro-wedding with a taco truck and a coffee cart, do that!
#7: Unplug
Have an unplugged ceremony. Remind your guests that they can get their dopamine hit from actual human connection and not just their devices. Presence is paramount. (Not to mention how ugly all those ceremony photos with people’s hands in the air holding their phones are!)
#8: A force for Good
Say no to gifts and encourage guests to donate money to worthy causes instead… An indigenous land trust or rematriation fund for the land your ceremony is on, or a local food bank… Here’s some possible wording: “Thank you for thinking of us but we won’t be having a gift registry. Instead, we kindly ask you to donate to one or more of the following organizations {list organizations here.} Please check if your employer will match your donation and double your contribution.”
#9: Stand Wherever and However you want
Stand on whatever side of the altar you want to. The groom doesn’t HAVE TO be on the left side. And no assigned seating either. As in “Pick a seat and not a side!” This creates an environment of inclusivity and togetherness among your guests, and encourages your friends and families to mingle and mix!
#10: Make it Sustainable
Go green and make your wedding a sustainable affair. Get a recycled diamond (perhaps from an estate sale,) or forgo the diamond altogether. Create Eco friendly invites and an Eco-friendly registry, and skip the paper wedding program altogether (it’s so wasteful and no one really reads it anyway.) Rent your wedding dress/tux, don’t buy a costly item of clothing you’ll only wear once. Getting married outside eliminates the need for excessive decor, cause nature is, well, naturally beautiful! Repurpose your ceremony florals and use them for your dinner reception, too, then donate them to a hospital or senior center. Serve local, sustainable and seasonal food, and buy it in bulk when possible to minimize wasteful single-serve packaging. Minimize food waste and compost, and/or donate your leftovers to a homeless shelter. Forget the gift bags altogether. Seriously, no one will remember what was in them in a year from now. Skip the recessional rice toss. Use dry lavender instead, or nothing at all. Basically, cut back on waste and be kind to mama earth.
Wanna Be Really non-conformist?
The BEST way to create a really modern, nontraditional ceremony is to block out ALL the noise. Don’t do things just because they’re traditional or trendy right now. Think for yourself! Do them because they speak to you and not for any other reason. Dogma and ossification happen when things that ought to be choiceful become imperative (as in must do and must have.) Expressing your sovereignty as you curate your day is the most nontraditional thing you can do!