Happily Ever After: It Starts With The Marriage Proposal
Those three magical, ubiquitous words: "happily ever after" hold A LOT of power. It starts with the marriage proposal (actually it starts when we’re a lot younger than that) and seeps into the marriage… Our conditioning and expectations of grandiosity are set in stone long before we meet our betrothed, and even the most self-aware couples struggle to come to terms with their beliefs AND their longings.
Cultural Conundrum
Here’s a little blurb from a recent bride when asked to share her proposal story:
I struggled with the concept of marriage for a long time. Even after we decided we did want to get married, I struggled with competing desires when it came to the proposal. On the one hand, I thought, “Why does the guy have to ask the girl? Why does it need to be a giant romantic gesture that gets captured by a hidden photographer and posted online for all to see? Why is it all a secret/surprise to buy an engagement ring, when I’M the one who will be wearing it for the rest of our relationship? Why doesn’t the GUY get an engagement ring, too– You mean to tell me the woman wears a symbol that she’s ‘off the market’, but not the guy?” At the same time though, I ALSO thought, "Ok, let’s be honest, I’m a hopeless romantic millennial who grew up with Disney and Harry Potter and Rom Coms. I love that feeling of fantasy and magic and love all mixed up together. Why not get swept off my feet? Why not let a guy work a little bit harder than usual to make me feel loved and special? Hey, I love jewelry, I’ll wear a beautiful ring!"
As I said, this inner conflict has far reaching implications well beyond the wedding proposal and far into the marriage. There is a (sometimes irreconcilable) split between a keen understanding of outdated gender roles and problems with the institution of marriage, AND the desire for a grand-gesture proposal that has been imprinted in and on us since we were impressionable little kids watching {insert Disney movie of your choice here.}
This is part of what inspired us to write Happily Ever After Reimagined. We wanted to see if we could rewrite the narrative that has held many of us hostage for as long as we can remember.