Alternative Wedding Vows
Alternative wedding vows offer couples the opportunity to personalize their promises, and express their unique relationship, values, experiences and aspirations. They provide an opportunity for couples to express their love, commitment, and vision for their future in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to them. They serve as a beautiful expression of the couple's unique journey together. We’ve included a few samples (all excerpts from longer vows) of some of our favorite alternative wedding vows. Each of these wedding vows had an emotional or visceral impact on us, which is why we decided to share them with you. What all of these wedding vows have in common is that they share a quality of realness, rawness and authenticity, and that is actually what makes them so swoon worthy. We hope that these alternative wedding vow examples will inspire you as you set out to write your own wedding vows.
We do (co-written by the couple)
"Do you promise to hold your imperfect human selves in a sanctuary of radical acceptance—knowing you are both highly sensitive beings; that you behave like animals sometimes; that you are both weird and wonderful; and that you are both healing the wounds that come with being different. In a world that has said "no" to who you are so many times, do you say "YES" to each other are today?"
Why we love it: It’s honest, intimate, raw and compassionate. It’s deeply rooted in their knowledge of themselves and each other. There’s a quality of redemption and transcendence and alchemy in the way they have taken personal pain and limitation and turned it into something so empowering and affirmative!
Something real
"I promise that I'll always strive to make our goals align. When we don't agree on the path our lives should take, I'll engage with you to find a solution, and then commit to it. I won't sit there grumbling and make you drag me along where I don't want to go. I promise you intellectual honesty. When I catch myself being dramatic, or petty, or overly sarcastic, or saying things just to feel like I won a point in a debate, I'll stop and course correct. I want our discussions to always be about something real, and not become games."
Why we love it: This groom was a geeky guy - a serious, Midwestern, tech guy who loves science and facts and empiricism. His vows were very practical and level headed. Despite using his logical, clear-sighted pragmatism, his vows feel deeply romantic. They are so adult, so sane, so grounded and stable and comforting. It feels like he is saying, “I am in this with you. For real” Not as a pawn or a prop, not to win a point or be right, but I will be in this marriage with you all the way.
the churn
"We all tend to swim out to get beyond the churn of the shoreline, where the sand and the water swirl, to the perceived calm of the water behind the break. But I have learned that life is all about that beautiful churn, and you and I are also the churn together. I have learned that the tides are our song, the tossing of water and earth is our forever dance, we are more than simply side by side and also more than melting into sameness."
Why we love it: This couple’s love story was epic and unexpected. And these vows were wildly romantic. But what stands out is the clear acknowledgement that there is no expectation of perfection, or even peace… that there will be no break from life. To know and embrace that the churn is in fact where we live... to embrace it’s hidden riches, even if others think it’s something to transcend or avoid… to commit, not to happily ever after, but to being in that churn together.
the most beautiful, hopeful thing
"Of course, partnership is hard, there’s no denying that. We’ve had our moments of doubt, our moments where one or both of us wavered, our moments of fear and overwhelm. But through these hard moments, we've made the choice to stay again and again, and we've followed through on that choice with our actions. Standing here today feels like the most pure, beautiful, hopeful thing we can do for each other. It is our way of saying we will choose to stay, to work, to forgive, to love, again and again."
Why we love this: Honesty is so refreshing. There is no sugarcoating here. This is an overt acknowledgment of how challenging relationships can be… but also how noble… to stay with it, to choose each other again and again, to approach your marriage, not with naïveté, but with integrity and hope… As she said, "Standing here today feels like the most pure, beautiful, hopeful thing we can do for each other."
prelude to the promises
"As someone who embraces and accepts the ephemeral nature of life, you have taught me to appreciate the time we have together. And on what is certainly one of the most joyous days of my life, I think it’s worth saying that life is always too short. We will never do all of the things we hope to do. Which is why it matters who we spend our lives with."
Why we love this: These vows acknowledge the limitations of life and the fact of our mortality, but not in a sombre or morose way. They do so in a way that affirms the man she has chosen to spend her finite number of days with, and in a way that gives weight to that choice.
Not Your Mama’s Wedding Vows
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