Non Traditional Wedding Vows: Saying "I Do" In A Way That Works For You!
We’ve curated a long list of wedding vows so that you feel you have lots of options to say authentic “I dos” when traditional “honor and obey” vows are not your cup of tea. Feel free to use one or many, to mix and match them, or to use them as inspiration to write your own “I do” vows. You might also decide to use “We do” vows so you can answer together as one, united voice.
Having a selection of “I do” vow questions is a great option for couples who are super spotlight shy and afraid of public speaking. So instead of sharing personal wedding vows that you publicly share with each other, you can select a hearty handful of questions that will end up feeling just as potent as personal vows.
Feel free to replace “Do you…” with “Will you…” and to interchange words like vow/promise/commit/pledge, etc. We recently even heard one groom say: These are not so much promises as privileges… How sweet is that?! Above all, we encourage you to “Do you!”
Keep in mind that in most states answering a “statement of intent” is the only legal requirement in a wedding ceremony. Answering an “I do” question functions as that statement of intent, so you may as well have your “Heck yeah, I do!” be your answer to a question that you love.
The first 4 “I do” vows were inspired by our wedding ceremony script “Remembering to Remember: A Ceremony About The Primacy Of Love.” Further down you’ll find some “values based vows.” We didn’t write them ourselves. We discovered them here. And finally, we have included some “We do” vows for you to consider.
Do you…?
Do you promise to discover {his/her/their} hidden beauties, and be a gentle steward of {his/her/their} heart?
Do you promise to use what you learn about {him/her/them} - not as a weapon - but as a way to understand them better?
Do you promise to trust {him/her/them} with your feelings and to be trustworthy with {his/her/their} feelings?
Do you promise that although you might mess up on a regular basis, occasionally, you’ll admit it when you do?
Do you promise to love, honor, aid and abet?
Do you promise to place your love for one another and the commitment you’re making today at the center of your lives?
Do you promise to remember and revivify the qualities and experiences that made you choose one another if/when you forget them?
Do you promise to choose kindness, commitment and compromise when your habitual response might otherwise be to contract, defend, shut down or withdraw?
Do you promise to orient what’s good between you and find things to be grateful for especially during times of challenge, conflict or breakdown?
Do you promise to put in the work, be impeccable with your word, courageous with your explorations, and unflinching with your love?
Do you promise to push {him/her/them} out of their comfort zone while always respecting their boundaries?
Do you give {him/her/them} your hand and your heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and do you pledge your love, faith, kindness and devotion, as you join your life to {his/hers/their?}
Do you promise to create a relationship that’s grounded in mutual respect, compassion, generosity, and patience?
Do you promise to recognize each other’s individuality and celebrate each other’s uniqueness as a good, beautiful and necessary part of your marriage?
Do you promise to keep {him/her/them} as your favorite person — to laugh with them, go on adventures with them, support them through life's tough moments, be proud of them, grow old with them, and find new reasons to love them every day?
Values Based wedding vows
1. The value: Equality
“I promise to engage as an equal partner in every aspect of the life we are creating together, to share joys, sorrows, victories and the hard work that building a life together requires.”
2. The value: Inclusion
“I vow to honor our relationship as a haven of acceptance and belonging for you and for others.”
3. The value: Integrity
“I vow to bring my strongest self to this relationship, to act with integrity, honesty, and fearless authenticity.”
4. The value: Adventure
“I promise to travel to the edge with you, to seek a life that is thrilling, and to cherish the excitement of the unknown in adventures both near and far.”
5. The value: Intimacy
“I vow to reveal myself fully to you, to share an unfiltered journey of love and connection.”
6. The value: The Gifts of Imperfection
“ vow to become a life-long student of loving relationships, to hold our imperfect selves with humor and kindness, knowing that our mistakes will provide us our best learning, some of our deepest connection, and laughter for life.”
7. The value: Independence
“I promise to be a guardian of your independent spirit, to encourage your freedom, and to offer spaciousness to your soul.”
8. The value: Mindfulness
“I promise to pay loving attention to you and the life we are creating, to act with compassion and to live in a way that honors the interconnection of all beings.”
9. The value: Creativity
“I vow to champion your dreams, to believe in you, and to support you in the creative endeavors that make your heart sing.”
You can easily turn any of the above vows into “Do you” questions. For example: “Do you promise to engage as an equal partner in every aspect of the life you are creating together, to share joys, sorrows, victories and the hard work that building a life together requires?”
"We do" vows
Will you create and hold a safe space for one another to be vulnerable so that each of you may grow into your truest selves? (We do.)
Will you promise to see the world with equanimity, understanding, and without judgment, while respecting each other's perspectives? (We do.)
Will you cultivate curiosity and foster positivity in your union with the intention of eliminating delusion and negativity from your own minds and from your relationship? (We do.)
Will you engage, invite, and create space for your loved ones in your lives and in your hearts? (We do.)
Will you cherish each other, preserving and enriching your affection for one another every day? (We do.)
Will you maintain your connection by inviting communication freely, openly and often? (We do.)
Will you remember to encourage and support each other, to take risks in life and in your relationship? (We do.)
Will you turn to each other, when faced with challenges, collaborate with each other and be a team, and stand up for one another when needed? (We do.)
Will you preserve your friendship by infusing it with laughter, energy and adventure? (We do.)
Will you cultivate patience, kindness, compassion and generosity in your relationship so that you can in turn offer these gifts to all those around you? (We do.)
One of a kind wedding vows
If you are forgoing the “I dos” in favor of writing your own personal wedding vows, check out our best selling vow guide entitled “Not Your Mama’s Wedding Vows.” We have coached over 1000 couples using the prompts in this vow tutorial with great success!