Vows to Step Kids - Blended Family Vows
When your marriage includes children from previous relationships, it can be really important to include vows to your step kids. As a child of divorce and multiple marriages, I (Jen) know it would have felt amazing to hear words addressed to me by my future step parent. I would have felt honored, important and loved... my kid self probably would not have used those exact words, but I would not have felt skipped over, or like I didn’t matter as the adults around me made huge decisions that impacted my life. (Which quite frankly, is exactly how I felt.)
As the adults in the newly blended family, it is really powerful to step up and acknowledge that you are not just marrying the person you love, but that you understand that you are making a pledge and commitment to their children as well. So how do you incorporate vows to step kids in your blended family wedding ceremony?
Basic
The simplest way to address your future step kids is in your vows to your future spouse. You'll share your various promises to your partner:
“I promise to be nice. I promise to make you laugh. I promise to empty the dishwasher.” (Hopefully a little richer and more nuanced than that, so we’d be remiss not to mention our beloved vow writing tutorial to help you do just that!)
Then, you can easily add, “I also commit wholeheartedly to be a kind and respectful step-parent to [children’s names] and I promise to always love and support them, during good times and bad.”
Robust
Alternatively, you can have a section in your ceremony that is dedicated to sharing vows to step kids. We recommend doing this just before your vows to each other. If you are using one of our ceremony scripts (or your own,) you can add a sentence like this:
“Before [Name and Name] share their vows with each other, they would like to share vows with each other’s children.”
If you both have children, you’ll switch sharing vows to step kids. Some folks also like to share a little gift with their future step kids at the same time as a token of their vows. (For example, a sweet necklace or bracelet, a watch, a pocketknife – anything that shows your future step child that you care and want to honor them.) Below are some examples of vows to step kids.
These would be led by your officiant
[Names of children,] [Partner 1] and [Partner 2] would like to make some special promises to each of you, because you are the most important people in their lives. Their commitment to one another opens up a whole new world of people who will become your family… people who will love you and care about you and help you to find your way in the world. And so on your behalf, I will ask them:
[Partner 1] and [Partner 2] will you continue to love and support the children? Will you make the time to listen to them, cherish and guide them? Will you show them respect, kindness, tolerance and honesty? Will you provide a safe and loving and caring home where each child is encouraged to develop their own unique qualities? Will you make these promises lovingly and freely to your children and soon-to-be step-children?
You respond: We will!
More examples of wording for vows to step kids
“[Children's names,] we promise to love and support you, to be there for you, to listen to you and respect you, to cherish and guide you, to be there when you need us, and to give you love always.”
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“I promise to always to treat you with love and respect. I promise to nurture my relationship with you and always be there for you in any way I can. I promise to support you in your relationship with both your mother and father and I promise always to listen. I also promise always to treat your parent with love and respect and model for you a healthy, loving and supportive relationship with the belief that one day you too will find such happiness in love.”
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“I want you to know that... I love your mother, and I will always be there for her. Being a step-dad will be hard. I won’t try to replace your father, I will just be myself, and I will always do my best. I will be friendly: it’s important that we share greetings, dinner conversation, and have hang out time. We’ll have fun doing stuff, like: running, basketball, swimming, camping, skiing, and road trips. I want to connect with you: I want to learn more about you, and I want to share my experiences and perspective with you. I hope to earn your respect: I know that it has to be earned, and I know that it takes time. I vow to listen to you, treat you with respect, and help you when I can. I vow to do my part to foster a loving and caring family dynamic.”
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"[Stepchild's name], [Stepchild's name], and [Stepchild's name], from this moment forward, I want you to know that my love extends not only to your parent but to each of you as well.
I promise to be there for you, to support you, and to care for you with all the love in my heart. I may not be your biological parent, but I am honored to be your [stepmom/stepdad], and that comes with a love that is just as deep and genuine.
I vow to always listen to you, to learn about your interests, dreams, and fears, and to be someone you can trust and confide in. I promise to celebrate your achievements and provide comfort during your challenges. Your happiness will always be important to me, and I will do my best to contribute positively to your lives.
As we build this blended family together, I want you to know that you are not just gaining a [stepmom/stepdad], but a friend, a mentor, and a source of unwavering love. I promise to cherish the moments we share, to create new memories together, and to be a loving presence in your lives, always.
I look forward to the journey ahead, as we grow together, laugh together, and support each other. Today, I make a vow not only to [partner's name] but to each of you, to be the best [stepmom/stepdad] I can be. I love you all deeply, and I can't wait to see what our future holds as one big, happy family."
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“As [partner's name] and I embarked on our journey together, I had the privilege of getting to know each of you, [stepchild's name], [stepchild's name], and [stepchild's name], during our dating phase. From the very first moment we met, you brought an abundance of joy and happiness into my life, and for that, I am profoundly grateful.
Your smiles, laughter, and the way your eyes light up with curiosity and wonder have touched my heart. You welcomed me into your lives with open arms, and in return, you have become an integral part of my world.
As we continue this journey as a blended family, I want you to know that my love for you has grown stronger with every passing day. I cherish the bond we’ve formed, and I promise to always be there for you, to offer guidance, support, and laughter. I love each of you deeply, and I am excited to see what beautiful moments and adventures our shared future holds.”
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If you’re making vows to your birth children you can use some of these same principles… We love you, we got you, we’ll do our best to create a secure, loving and life-giving home for you… We’ll do our best to recognize and nurture your talents, to give you roots and wings, to keep track of you without being overbearing… You get the gist?
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